


Everybody Here Wants You

by e_mors



Series: Make It Good [22]
Category: Actor RPF, Call Me By Your Name (2017) RPF
Genre: Angst, M/M, angsty angst, even more angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-03
Updated: 2018-06-03
Packaged: 2019-05-17 19:12:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14837540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/e_mors/pseuds/e_mors
Summary: They talk after what happened in Cannes. Armie does what he thinks is right.





	Everybody Here Wants You

**Author's Note:**

> The title is from [a beautiful song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nrMwgTc69y4) by Jeff Buckley.

He answers the facetime call with silence. That’s what he used to do with Elizabeth as well, he thinks with a trace of bitterness.

„Armie..”

Timmy’s voice is apologetic already and it makes him a little sick to his stomach, because just like that he gets a confirmation that the rumours must be true. He tries to smile instead of a greeting but he’s sure it’s the saddest sight possible.

Timmy shuts his eyes tight for a moment, maybe fighting the tears, Armie can’t be sure.

„Armie, I’m so sorry.” he finally says as he looks at him intensively, trying to read his face through the screen.

Armie averts his gaze, inhaling his cigarette. His features tense up visibly. It’s clear he won’t speak. Not yet at least.

„It just happened, you know? I was out of it and she jumped me. I’m so sorry, Armie.” he’s aware it’s meaningless.

„I know it doesn’t matter. You have every right to be angry at me. I'm just so fucking stupid. I keep screwing up, don’t I?”

Armie’s still not looking at him, silent. His face expressionless.

„I should have told you when I called. I don't know why I didn't, I'm so sorry.”

He looks at him after a beat. Timmy has never seen so much hurt in his eyes before. He’s not angry though and it stings even more.

„Armie, please, say something.” he hides his face in his hands, not knowing what more to say.

„I guess I’m the one to blame.” Armie starts quietly, still not looking into the phone screen. „I forced this on you. I pushed you into something you’re not ready for. I pressured you to a point you had no choice.”

Timmy uncovers his face, his eyes wide and mouth falling open in a shock.

„What? No.” he tries to interject, but Armie continues steadily.

„We are at different stages of our lives, we want different things and it’s only natural considering our age difference. I dismissed it before but I understand that now. It’s not your fault. It's mine.”

He sighs heavily, before he continues.

„This is the time in your life when everybody wants a piece of you. You’re at the top of the world. You should be allowed to enjoy it.”

„Armie, please, no, it’s not what I want!” he starts to scream to his phone, horrified.

But Armie pays no attention.

„You will never be this young again and so full of wonder. And prospects. This is your moment, this is your time and I never should have claimed it. I took over. I put you in a headspace of guilt and shame all the while you should be carefree. No, you should be free, period.”

He takes another long drag, finishing his cigarette.

„I can’t be the one who takes that away from you. And I won’t be. I won’t let you make my mistakes and I won’t let you turn into a sad pathetic asshole like me.”

„Please, Armie, look at me!” Timmy’s voice is quiet and hitching. Hopeless.

Armie looks at him, sees his despair but doesn’t falter.

„I’m sorry, Tim. I’m sorry that I started this in the first place. I should’ve known better. I failed you and caused all this pain. It’s all on me.” he tries to smile but it doesn’t work yet again.

„No, Armie, I beg you, don’t do this, Armie, please, no, no, no, it was just one stupid mistake, Armie, please!” Timmy’s face is contorted from crying, his eyes have never been wider and darker.

Armie can't help noticing how beautiful he is and he only hopes that he will remember that face forever.

„You are free, from me.” he tries his best to sound reassuring.

„But I love you, Armie, remember? You can’t do this!” Timmy cries, completely broken and panicked.

„I love you too, Tim. That’s why I need to do what’s best for you for once and stop being so fucking selfish all the time.”

Timmy is crying an endless „no, no, no” and his „But there is only you.” is almost inaudible.

„I’m sorry, Tim. I love you.” Armie says one last time and disconnects.

 

In the next days, since he doesn’t answer his calls, he gets so many voice messages from Timmy that his voicemail gets full. He gets texts too. Pleading ones. Angry ones. Promises. Photos of the things that remind Timmy of him. I love you’s. Stories. Apologies. Song lyrics. He reads them all, but doesn’t answer.

And then comes the last one followed by silence.

 

Timmy: I am going to do everything in my power to deserve you.

 

It worries him that Timmy still doesn’t understand, but he manages to fight off the urge to respond.

 

After wrapping his movie in New Orleans he spends his time with Elizabeth and the kids. This is where he belongs. This is what he should focus on.

And somehow it feels so natural and easy to him like never before. This is his life, the way he knows it, the way he needs it, the way he should want it.

So when the time comes, he decides to get the anniversary tattoo. The last one.

They go together, as always.

Before they walk into the parlour Elizabeth takes him by his hand and asks warmly:

„I want to post it, you know, like we always do. Don’t you think you should give Timmy a heads-up? He might misinterpret it and feel hurt, you know?”

He thinks about it for a moment. It would probably be the right thing to do. But on the other hand it might help Timmy get over him and move on, seeing that Armie lives his life as he used to.

„No, it’s better this way.” he says simply and she nods even though she doesn’t seem to agree.

They do their thing and he can’t shake off the feeling that it might be his favourite anniversary in a long time and it certainly is his favourite tattoo. A memento of what he has learnt about himself this past two years, a souvenir of how he’s grown. Perhaps it’s even a promise of a friendship that seems to be forming between him and Elizabeth, of a new kind of understanding, something deeper than he ever anticipated.

Maybe, just maybe, it’s also a sign that he’s finally becoming the man he always wanted to be.

And when the news break about Timmy partying with The Weeknd again, this time in London, he’s surprisingly calm. He looks at the photo and thinks Timmy seems to be happy. He promises himself he will try to be happy too. Someday.

But for the time being the only thing that he aims for is at least a semblance of an inner peace. Even if right now it feels more like being dead.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry...?
> 
> Please, comment away your pain and fury. I'll take it.


End file.
